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I Hate Potatoes in Soup

I’m not really a huge fan of potatoes, but I eat them on occasion.  A lot of people seem to like them. I’m also not too keen on soup, but I’ll eat it when I get sick(which is rare, I was created in a lab so I never get sick) to go along with the illusion of that particular food somehow magically making me better. Soup and potatoes. Two things that are okay on their own. What happens when you put them together? They suck.

Potatoes in soup is bullshit. Like, what’s the point? Potatoes are only good if they have three pounds of cheese, sour cream and bacon bits on them, or if they’ve been sauteed in butter or something like that. In soup they’re like giant fucking icebergs, just getting in the way of everything. Have you ever had a can of clam chowder that didn’t have HUGE potatoes in it? Maybe if the potatoes in soup were small like the chicken and that other fun crap, they’d be okay, but they’re not. Not counting the actual soup liquid itself, potatoes take up roughly 99% of any soup can they’re in.

It’s not just that they’re huge and annoying, they’re also basically flavorless. What happens when you eat a massive chunk of potato earth in soup? Maybe the outside kind of tastes like whatever it’s in, but the inner potato doesn’t absorb the flavor. It’s fucking boring, and yet you have to get rid of that bastard to get to everything else.

So why do they put so many giant potatoes in soup? I have no idea. Probably to put less of the stuff people actually like in it. Maybe they’re still amending for any previous Irish Potato Famines. It’s bullshit regardless. We all need to write our local senators and tell them to tell the governors to make youtube videos that ask newspeople to talk to Congress and ask the President to have a fireside chat with a local distributor for Campbells, who then can talk to his boss, who can talk to his boss, who can talk to her boss, who can talk to whatever asshole owns the company and tell them nonchalantly that a couple people don’t like potatoes in their soup.

It’s that, or avoid any soup with potatoes in it, which leaves us with…chicken noodle, cream of mushroom, and cream of chicken. Oh, and french onion. Fuck. Forget it.

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