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Stop Protesting Trump and Get Back to Work!

Protesters. Am I right?

Since the United States first drafted the Bill of Rights (and even before that) people have felt the need to express their voice. Or signs. Or whatever it is they feel the American people are obligated to see them waving around. Protesters: it’s what they do. The Boston Tea Party was a good example of how a protest should go down. No one was injured, that I can recall. I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Only one person was arrested, that I know of. Again, not entirely sure, I wasn’t there. I’m sure someone was. And hopefully their journalistic account of what happened is as correct as they claim it is. You can’t trust articles anymore. THE POINT: The Boston Tea Party was the best method of protest before the right to assemble was even adopted (1791).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the First Amendment, by any means. I’m exercising my right to free… er, speech? Press? Hard to figure out what I’m doing here. Someone please fill me in, so I can seem more educated for next time. THE POINT: Somehow, over the course of 200+ years, people have forgotten what it meant to actually protest. Peaceful assembly is the act of not murdering police and anti-self-entitled opinionated whiners. Peaceful assembly is, by rights, meant to be peaceful. You are there to stand your ground. Don’t give in to the bullshit that’s being fed to you by your government. Make your voice heard, loud and clear, that you will not stand for any injustice. Peacefully.

Except… I have a problem with your protests in these modern times.

I’m not sure when the violence has become the norm (I’m not a journalist, so I won’t pretend to know this), but it was during the 20th century. For some reason, people have lost sight of what it means to be peaceful. Maybe Kent State had something to do with that? I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Violence has taken over as the result of “Boo-fucking-hoo, I’m entitled to have things go my way!” So it begs the question, how much can you protest before you get hungry? What if you have to poop? Do you poop in the street? What do you wipe your ass with? The American Flag? Seems to me that’s what you’ve done since you clocked out of your part-time retail job to go protest for “equal work rights” and why “God Hates Fags”.

Another question to ask: how do people afford to protest so much? There are hundreds of people protesting all across the nation, some for equal pay. And yet, they’re taking time off work to go protest. People have migrated to this country, some even illegally, just to have a simple taste of the American dream. Which, in their mind, is to actually have a damn job. And yet, people take that for granted when they go protest because a celebrity became president–again. How are they able to afford food? Are they being compensated for the time off? Did they save up all that Paid-Time Off in the likely event that they’ll be unhappy about something? Do they even work at all? If not, are they getting government help? That’d be ironic, to say the least. “Sir, is that a Medicaid card? I’m only asking because your sign says ‘Say NO to Obamacare’ and I don’t know how to handle this.” You’re not helping anyone when you take days off just to go protest. If anything, assuming you do have a job and/or kids, you’re just making things worse by abandoning that to join other people in the streets to flip a cop car over because “Trump is NOT my prezidint!”

The Standing Rock protest, in my opinion, was the only real example of how people stand up to oppression as of late. And the violence that occurred there was a result of police brutality, for the most part. But most of these other protests over something that literally CANNOT control (like, say, the ELECTION OUTCOME) are just silly and pointless. You’re costing us money. You’re making it unsafe in the streets for those of us who actually have to go places. Uber/Lyft drivers can’t do their jobs in these big cities because they’re afraid of having a brick smashed through their windshield. Granted, it was a brick with tears behind it. There was some feeling and strong emotion behind that brick. It wasn’t just a brick, either. It was a metaphor for how much pain that person is in. The brick is the election results. The windshield is their safe zone that had just been violated. Except it wasn’t their windshield to break. It wasn’t the government’s windshield to break. It was the Uber driver’s windshield, who now has to pay for a replacement windshield with the money he just made that could have went to paying for his dinner later that night.

Fuck you, protesters. Put down your signs, remember the world does not revolve around you, and just go home. Get some rest, because you may have a busy day at work tomorrow. And on your way home, don’t forget to pick up diapers and milk.

DISCLAIMER: The thoughts and opinions are not a direct reflection of the author’s. So don’t get pissy. For entertainment only. If you do feel offended, please email us at, or leave a comment below.  

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